Making Way for Life

Welcome back to me.  Summer delivered and now it's trying its best to leave the UK but feels bad, like a shitty husband who knows it's wrong to go so he does it in a long, lingery, painful sort of way - until one day he is gone but not before wreaking the most excruciating emotional destruction on his way out.  That is the winter I'm expecting because yesterday despite all the signs pointing to it being a wrap up day, I found myself having to slowly shed layers with each step, as trickles of back sweat began pooling around the elastic waistband of my nic nocs.

The big hard sun made a resplendent appearance instead, pretty much the whole day.  And it was wonderful. So much for Storm Gonzalo...where do they find these names?  

To say that a lot has happened since I last posted would be like saying Neville Chamberlain had a bit of an update from his meeting with Hitler in 1939.  But the gory details will need to wait until the dust has settled. Let's just say I find myself with a brand new status in life and have not yet felt the freedom or release that is meant to come with the end of something toxic.  The transition is proving more than a little difficult and I find myself relying more and more on the spirit side for peace of mind.  So much so that I dedicate an hour a night to meditating just to stay sane; to get through one more night. It does work.  I mean it helps, at least and I've received many insights in the clear abyss of a blank mind.  They are little things admittedly but they help to acknowledge either the pain or the ecstasy. Ideas come too and now I have the drive to see them through and for that in a perverse way I have to thank the situation I find myself in.  If some of these come to fruition, I will definitely be living "the dream" though much is to be said for the simple pleasure of sitting under a duvet with The Lish watching Edward Scissorhands.

This is not news but when shit goes down, you do really know who your mates are. I love the snot out of them for being there even in the smallest 2 line text once a fortnight sort of way.  Equally I would like to put the snot into a Boloni sandwich and serve it to those who have to all extent and purposes suddenly dropped off the earth. In the end however, it's up to me to make life work, not them or anyone really. To wish a snot sandwich on people that have in your eyes "let you down" is the action of a mediocre person and I've given my last minute to that type so I'm fairly keen to avoid become one myself.

This weekend will be huge for me - time to prove my mettle by doing the right thing and making way for life.  The glass is half full...with room for more of the good stuff.