Back to where I once belonged

I had my office Christmas party on Friday at the Paramount bar in Centre Point (the heart of London)  - this is the view that greets you when you step out of the lift:



Pretty spectacular eh? The night started on a literal high and ended on an emotional one as I was singled out for an award - the first and only award I've ever been given in the whole of my working life.  That to me is the best validation I could ever ask for and proof positive that I am in good shape professionally.  What a nice feeling after a decade of floundering and 5 years of what I can only describe as career wilderness - albeit self inflicted.

The last time I really felt like I was in control was 2002.  I had just turned 31, was doing really well at work but in retrospect not so good in my head.  I made a now or never decision to go travelling.  Travelling at once released me from the career stupor I was falling into and at the same time eventually derailed me.  I checked out of conventional society and for a while had no intention of returning to it.  Then of course I met my husband and the rest is, well the rest is a tale of the unexpected.

And since then, I've never made a secret of the fact that I have found life a little bit of a struggle until quite recently if I'm perfectly honest.  I'm not sure when the 'a-ha!' moment actually happened, I just know that I reached a point where I decided to restrict making decisions for anyone other than myself and all of a sudden I found my stride again.  My mojo.  Don't get me wrong, I get bored every now and again, forget to live in the moment, forget to be deliriously grateful for everything I have, but those moments are fleeting these days.  Thank god.  And I'm sure the Silverback, if he is reading this will no doubt be catching flies in his mouth, incredulous at the hypocrisy as he recalls with complete clarity how I pretty much lost the plot over a cordial juice stain on the wooden work surface in the kitchen... people with stride and mojo can still be neat freaks no?

Don't get me wrong, I'm still occasionally crippled by the drudgery of some days - the utter monotony of the same old routine but I do fairly quickly snap out of it with thoughts of how much worse it would all be if I didn't live in the relative sanctuary of tedium. I do not want drama - that much I do know.  I still harbour many dreams and I send out cosmic orders all the time to have these fulfilled - before you go thinking I've had liposuction of the senses or something.

No so, unlike many of the past few years, as I stare at the horizon into 2012, I look forward with anticipation at how much more I will achieve next year.  It's been a long time coming.