Growing old (dis)gracefully

The Silverback is still rolling on the floor laughing like a drain.  The humiliation of it all. I told you recently that no good comes from visiting the docs for a forced age related check up.  It's the one area where I honestly believe ignorance is bliss...well, as it pertains to the protection of vanity.  See the last time I did this I was told I needed diet and exercise to combat the muffin top and creeping levels of cholesterol.  What a catch! Yes, it would seem I am a catch..to the over 50s singles market!! The latest affront came in the form of a spammed email to my hotmail address.  Register! it compelled - Register!...for the chance to enter the over 50s singles dating pool.  I. Said. What?   So this is what it has come to.  This is how it all ends is it?  Well, I'm left with no option but to call in the big boys.  I'm getting the muffin top melted off using an ultra-sound technique that targets fat deposits and squeezes them until they burst.  Then you "pass" the fat in the usual way a human "passes" waste.  Delightful.  Anyone for Shepherd's Pie?

Well, I put my money where my mouth is and went for the first of 5 fat melting sessions.  There are 2 cms less of muffin top already.  Of course during the treatment you have to drink your own weight in water; alcohol is forbidden and carbs must be kept to an absolute minimum.  The Silverback resumed his rolling position.  "Erm...that's a diet" he helpfully points out.  "Of course you're going to lose weight if you drink lots of water, avoid alcohol and carbs!" He broadcasts.  Yes, thanks Einstein.  Do you think I haven't tried that little trio of activities before? Never has it ever resulted in this: (this isn't me BTW....yet!)

...However - this is uncannily similar to what I'm dealing with.  The last 10 pounds tucked away deep inside love handles that no amount of exercise and diet to date has ever managed to properly shift.  And I spin 3 times a week and do yoga the other days.  What more is a girl to do?  Well I suppose not eating my own weight in garlic bread and washing it down with Rioja like Spain's survival of the crisis depended on it might help. No, but in all seriousness, I believe I have been down this route before and it's ended...well, not well. So what if this helping hand is more or a placebo than real science?  Whatever it takes is my motto.

So I have high standards...so sue me!  

Of course, all I can think of now is alcohol and carbs.