Master and Muse

Ladies and gents, I'm back! I cry in a voice that hits the soprano C of righteous indignation.  I feel reborn and at the same time re-visited. It appears that 6 months of separation has brought me back to my 30 year old self - the girl that took off on a round the world trip, not to find herself but indeed to very much lose herself; a girl in complete control of her earthly affairs (if not her mental faculties) and one that would not step foot on European soil for  2 years - THAT'S how lost I got (in a good way).  All along and throughout my nomadic existence I made sure practical matters were all still very much under control.  Then I married The Silverback within a year of meeting him and turned into a vegetable (I speak retrospectively as I could  not see this at the time).  I take complete responsibility for this outcome. I was the one that handed over all my power. Tut tut. Silly girl. I know this is also why there could be no other outcome but the one that has come to pass.

But I have turned a corner, the sort that takes you to a really cool part of town you had not expected to find and then like quite as much.  Yes, I do not mind admitting the transition has been brutal; between mediation of the emotional, physical, material and spiritual - I have found at times it felt like walking through thick thigh-high mud as I slowly and reluctantly took back the reigns for all areas of my life (financial to sentimental and everything in between).  I admit too that I am happier, less stressed and more excited about a domain of future potentiality in every aspect of living that I last felt while planning that epic world tour all those years ago.

Here are some things that don't scare me any more: bills, being alone, having no plans, having plans, men and the idea of another relationship (in fact dating is back on the menu and has proven rather an acquired taste - mostly because in typical fashion I rushed in where angels fear to tread and have already been burned ; baby steps are needed  since I have forgotten what that is all about) and a real honest to goodness put-your-hours-in career.

I feel liberated, finally and I have managed to arrive at this place with little judgement - an unexpected result for sure and for which I have yoga to thank - well yoga and a towering inferno of self help books and articles.  All it took was to surrender which make no mistake has nothing to do with giving in.

Let's just say that I am happy with good enough; I myself alone will provide the Great.

So I stand on the precipice of the next phase.  What or who that entails, time will reveal though I know how the story ends as the cards have told me exactly what is coming.  While it looks like all my wishes will manifest, fulfilment will only come if I remember who the boss is.   That my friends is me.