I went to see Ruby Wax's show - Losing it - which is a very candid and very funny confessional cabaret about the conditions that led to her mental illness. After the interval the women (she is accompanied on piano by Mrs Hank Azaria - Judith Owen) engage in a dialogue with the audience. Only then did I feel we began to get close to the reality of the subject. And also realised depression is a far wider reaching condition than you might imagine - such is the stigma. So much depression in the world! So many articulate people in the audience whose lives are or have been blighted by this crippling brain disease. And it is a disease. And like any disease it doesn't discriminate.
One woman in the audience who had suffered from depression pretty much all of her adult life and who was also a cancer sufferer said she preferred the cancer to the depression. If that doesn't give you a clue as to just how incredibly paralysing the condition is - well, then you are just a very lucky person - don't waste that luck.
The whole event felt a little like what I imagine an AA meeting might. I doubt anyone was there just for the fuck of it and while Ruby Wax is a very talented comedienne, she has long had her comic day - so that can only mean that every single person in that theatre (full house, I might add) had some interest in or connection to the topic of depression. I say! What a lot of sad people. Me included.
The show was like nothing I'd ever experienced. Stephen flipping Fry was there - himself very well known for a very public case of bi-polar. Our very own Britney.
In poignant contrast, it did take a comedienne to demonstrate that depression is no laughing matter. It can literally destroy your life and any potential you might have if you leave the condition unchecked. I certainly will never try to battle through another episode without professional help though my aim is to avoid. avoid, avoid!!! That's possibly where all the eastern spirituality comes in.
And that's when it hit me - I can't remember the last time I felt myself sliding into a dark phase. I used to get that horrible sinking feeling every couple of weeks but now that I think about it - and more to the point - ever since I started doing yoga every day, I haven't felt down. I get stressed, yes - who the fuck doesn't? but that awful slide into oblivion? Not for a while!! Oh JOY!!
If yoga can help me with my depressions, perhaps it can help others. There's a thought. I might be onto something here. No-one understands a depressive better than a depressive - I could do some real good here. And that's why I'm now seriously determined to get out of the office and into the studio fulltime. I know I've said it before and I even have a logo! But you know I fell at the first hurdle maybe because of my own problems with the flipping disease.
That was then. I've never felt so driven. Thank you Ruby. I'm thinking yoga therapy through the national health service. I'm thinking working with schools. I'm thinking working with young people.
It's going to take a while, but I'll get there. Always do. You better believe it.
