Oh I do like to be beside the seaside!

With one day to go before holi-woks for two whole weeks, I'm remarkably calm considering these are contenders for the most random destinations since the time I decided to go to Helsinki...one November... but that was before the lobotomy.  The first week promises a commune-like week at a campsite in Champagne where we are hooking up with my circle of Wums (working mums) and their offspring.  I'm keeping an open mind about group activities though I draw the line at naturism.  I mean this is France.  Last time I looked, the French weren't big on shaving.  And besides, I don't have any accessories that go with nudity.  No. So we'll see.  I have bought a vintage kimono for the occasion.  It will be my multi-purpose garment and if nothing else, should distract from the Cesarean scar. 

I have a romanticised vision of hazy, lazy days and cool evenings with a perfectly behaved child and a charming husband.  Yep.  Pass the beernuts.

But it doesn't end there, hell no.  Then we're coming back to the UK and heading down to Paignton in Devon.  Boo-yah-kah!  P to the A to the I to the...Brrap!  The English Riviera!   I'm expecting a week of dodging mobility chairs and pikeys; little toothless simpletons with their Shetland ponies - but I might be wrong.  I gave The Silverback free reign to choose a destination, and he chose Paignton.  The last time the sausage-fingered destroyer of all manmade things - A.K.A. The Silverback chose a holiday destination, we ended up in Brussels.  So, every cloud....

At the end of the day, it's not where you are but who you're with and the effort you make right?

Yeah, I think I'll go horse-riding in Paignton...in my kimono.

#6 - Perfection and beauty and...wood

Well, The Silverback and I have made it to our 6th wedding anniversary.  I am told it's the year of wood, and puns aside - yep, wood is as good a description of last year as anything. Sometimes we've worked with the grain and sometimes against.  Sometimes we've had to work hard at not beating the shit out of eachother with the wood and other times it was only the wood in a stripped back frame that kept us together.  So all in all.  Yes, wood is about right.  That said, the number 6 in the Tarot also symbolises perfection and beauty.   And there is much of that too in this last year of marriage though, I suspect those moments have very subjective interpretations. Perfection  for me is being back home, in a job I like, in an area of London I love and looking at the very imminent prospect of becoming a homeowner once again.  Beauty is seeing The Lish become a confident and happy child, in a good school with a great bunch of friends.

And as we enter the 7th year, I'm hoping to avoid the itch that tears people apart to instead scratch the itch that propels people into new adventures. But let's not get ahead or ourselves.

For today, the day we tied the knot 6 years ago, we plan on just being nice to eachother.  Not as easy as you might think when there's a broth of resentment bubbling away in the background.  Resentments that stem from bad life decisions in the past and a whole lotta immaturity.  Slowly the broth is evaporating but it has taken a lot of 'wood' to keep that fire burning and no doubt will continue to do so. Lucky then that 6th anniversaries are symbolised by the stuff. 

In many ways I do believe that The Silverback and me are destined to live our lives in reverse.  Getting pregnant on your wedding night doesn't leave much time for a couple to bond and enjoy that part of the journey.  We will have to wait until the other end, when the kid leaves home and we're into the winter of our lives.  I'll admit it's a huge risk.  So many variables at play, but this wasn't exactly planned so the least I can do is go into this with a completely open mind, and heart.  Having made it this far despite the turmoil and continent hopping, I don't think it's overly ambitious.  Is it? 

Today then is all about spending it together, as us.  You know to make up for lost time.

Getting a complex

...a B complex that is.  For years, pretty much since I had The Lish, I've never really felt right, for want of a better word.  At first I just put it down to post baby stuff, I have to say, it took me ages to lose the baby weight, so long in fact that to be honest, I never really did.  I mean, I'm not frumpy or anything, but I was for a while.  I was also anaemic for the longest time and I guess it must all take its toll.  Then I moved to Canada and I know this is going to sound really weird, but I felt like I was walking on foam for most of the time I was there.  Heels were out, trousers looked wrong and nice dresses has to be flowy to hide the rolls!.  It was the oddest feeling all round, like I was in a bubble walking on foam.  That said, it was actually in Canada where I lost the worst of the baby flab with a personal trainer but because I never really followed a diet - although I was fit and firm, I could have been slimmer.  The same goes for me today, though now back in London I feel the ground beneath me in a way I didn't in Canada.  I'm not talking metaphorically either, I mean literally.  It's mad isn't it? What can I say? 

See the thing is I just can't seem to resist carbs and sugar and my metabolism isn't what it once was.  I've also always suspected that my moods were most definitely connected to diet but I never did anything about it.  Call it laziness, denial, call it what you want I finally decided to do something through what I eat.   I'm now following a special diet that starts with a cocktail of vitamins and minerals designed to boost your neurotransmitters and balance hormones and enzymes.  8 pills daily (1 x B Complex, 1  B6, 1 x B3, 3 x calcium, magnesium and Vitamin D3, 1 x Gingko and 1 x St. John's Wort.  This means, in theory, I shouldn't get the sugar lows that usually lead me by the nose to the nearest newsagents for a bag of Skittles or Maltesers.  And by balancing the hormones in the body, the idea is to also banish the mood swings and depressive episodes.   Early days yet to say whether it's worked.  Today for example, I stayed off the sweets but did blow up at my boss over something...

Wonder if there is a pill that makes the boss disappear?

39 Steps

I turn 40, yes my dears FOUR ZERO in September.  Do not pity me for I am in fabulous shape, mentally and physically.  In fact, I'm feeling positively excited at the thought of this milestone.  Of course, long gone are the days when I could get away with wearing polyester mix material and my teeth don't quite fit the old gums as snuggly as they once did.  I've even found 3 grey hairs in my unmentionables (to add to the gagillions on my head - thank god for modern hair dye) as well as the stray whiskers on my chinny chin chin (though with modern technology those too have been exterminated)...gosh don't I just sound an absolute catch? It's a pity I don't have a sister, since I'm married (don't you just envy The Silverback?)

But by the same token, I also have an inexhaustible supply of healthy self-esteem.  I am secure and sure of myself and happy in my skin. I am doing exactly what I want to do, living exactly where I want to live surrounded by an ever increasing circle of mummy entrepreneurs and making only the sacrifices I want to make.  Sickening isn't it?  Well, not really, since this is all bourne of the experience that comes with being 39.  So you could say, I 've earned my stripes in this sense and now I am looking forward to the lookout point the next 39 steps may offer.  And if they produce the wisdom, friends and experience of the last 39 - I reckon I'd be quite happy to hang up my clogs there and then.  I think 80 is a very respectable age to check out.  The Lish will be 45 and hopefully have had the same rewarding experiences - none of which I hope should come too easy - because of course by definition, they wouldn't be rewards.   

So back to turning 40.  I am going out in style. Cheese style.  The Silverback is organising a party at the local tennis club (I know sounds very chic - and it is - proper Mannequin chic).  To which I am inviting old friends and new.  Including one girl I went to primary school with.  The icing on the cake will be a mini break to New York City. I am aiming for a proper 80s flashback time of my life.  I've been gearing up for it by watching all the 80s cheesoid films like Desperately Seeking Susan, Ferri Bueller's Day Off, Dirty Dancing, About Last Night, Pretty in Pink...oooh I could go on...WHAT?  I have a 5 year old!! I don't get out as much.

Sadly the second hand shop that features in Desperately Seeking Susan, Love Saves The Day, no longer exists in NYC...BOO!  but there will be other cheesoid locations.  All ideas welcome!!!



I will end with the wise words of Ferris Bueller:  "I've said it once and I'll say it again; life goes by pretty fast, if you don't stop to take a look around every now and again - you're going to miss it."