All or Nothing

You know when you've got a build-up of stories to tell but you don't know where best to start for maximum impact, minimum effort?  Then you sort of start condensing things to the bare bones and end up whittling them down to one useless stub?  It's sort of what's happening to me right now.  See I want to lose the detail without sacrificing the soul...but somehow it has all ended up a bit insipid.  I am reminded of the Shakespeare Masterclass sketch in 'A Bit of Fry and Laurie' where Fry gets Laurie to squeeze the essence out of a speech in such a way they don't get past the first word.  It's quite funny.   Anyway, succinctness is a true art and one that has not only passed me by - it simply didn't come my way.  All of this to say I have become vegan and teetotal. Yes, it's like saying "I'm now a lesbian" (I'm not - but you know what I mean). And the result?  I look and feel younger.  Who would have thought it?  All that crap about a glass of wine a day being good for you and how the body needs protein from meat malarkey....well it took me a LONG time but I finally broke out of the media mold.  My body needs alcohol and meat like a freaking hole in the head.  If I told you I lost a dress size and the dark circles under my eyes by cutting out all things once considered life's little pleasures would you then believe that vegan teetotalism is in fact the secret to becoming and staying a skinny bitch? Well it is. I've also cut out sugar and carbs...yes, you're now thinking I've replaced one mania with another.  Maybe but I have to say this mania makes me feel (and even if I say so myself) look freaking great.  Ok, if The Silverback is reading this, he will know that I'm slightly lying about sugar.  I do still eat sweet things but I try to make sure the sweetness comes from anything but processed sugar (yes including demarara).  To wit:  I made a banana cake on Wednesday with maple syrup, vegetable fat and water and it lasted a couple of hours.  It was delicious.  I'm astounded.  As you may recall, I'm not a baker.  My cakes usually look and taste of ass.  Lesson here is that you can have vegan cakes and I certainly know how to eat them.  I probably shouldn't makes these too often...clearly I have ZERO self control.  Which brings me back to the all or nothing diet (nay lifestyle) I'm now on.  I can't cut down, I have to cut out and that is just the way it is with me.  Yoga is easier for me too now that I'm not lugging the cake shelf around - but more on that and my annual ashram retreat another time.  

PiLs

Hello to no-one in particular.  The great thing, if there is such a thing about totally and utterly abandoning a project (for over a year) is that it's unlikely anyone will notice I'm back - which means I could post pictures of me waxing my lady bits without causing so much as a blip on the statmeter...but I'll refrain from doing so all the same in case someone should accidentally end up on this page while browsing for end tables. So, I notice it has been a very fooking long time since I posted anything, so long in fact the platform disabled my account.  Luckily (luckily?) this was reversible and I'm now determined to get back and stay on the horse that threw me. To cut a long and dreary story short, I had a bit of a breakdown.  Well, it was 20 years overdue.  So now I've had it, I can get on with the business of life and you can be 100 pc sure that when I offer little insights into tricks of the mental health trade - you can take comfort in the fact that I'm talking from experience.  Crazy as it sounds, I highly recommend one.  There is nothing like a good old fashioned breakdown to put your life in order and sort your priorities out.  I'll spare you the details but my episode was the culmination of 20 years of denial stemming from unresolved bereavement.  I'm glad to say I'm better and now, thanks to therapy, also armed with the tools to ensure I never get that bad again.  It means I'm allowed off days without the paranoia and worry that I'm slipping down that water slide again.  I now control  my off days - you might say, I am in control of my moods and it's a refreshing development.  I do love being grumpy every now and again.  Nothing would get done otherwise. The trick is to "sit and spend time" with yourself whenever you feel down, odd, angry, sad or unsettled to gain clarity on the 'why?' behind these feelings. You'd be surprised what you come up with and what comes up.  Not every mood means you're manic.  And before you go diagnosing yourself with low self esteem or depression, make sure you're not surrounded by assholes.  That will be all for now.