Step aside James Earl Jones

I taught my first full hot Hatha class on Friday.  I arrived 2 hours early just in case I wasn't feeling pressured enough but there were a lot of chores involved in preparing for the first class of the day.  Atmospherics cannot be rushed.  There are candles and incense to light, green tea to replenish, studios to air, re-heat and refresh and music to select.  I wanted it all to be perfect (if you don't count the fractured foot and H1N1 flu-like symptoms.)

I woke up feeling terrible after the obligatory worse-night-of-the-week sleep (of course), looking like I'd just survived a small to medium car crash, with a ruddy great red welt on my right eye and a nostril area that glowed with rawness - I mean I looked anything but healthy and here was I preaching to the great unchilled?  I didn't think so.  Let's just say I wasn't feeling particularly confident.  BUT.  I knew the series (the Hatha series) and as long as I didn't get that wrong, the rest, I hoped would be optional extras.  However none of this even mattered to me - I had a much bigger problem to overcome.

When I was the merest of girls at school, I played the recorder for the school 'orchestra' which consisted of well, a bunch of recorder players.  We'd be wheeled out for all school events from carol singing to parent evening and every time, no matter how rehearsed we were, I would suffer the most crippling stage fright.  It was usually so bad, I'd be lucky to make it past the first couple of bars.  I was reknowed for it and in fact became the reason people turned up; to see Conde fuck it up.

In fact my nickname was Shaky - as in Shakin' Stevens.  I never disappointed but I kept right on with it up until my senior year in primary school and after that graduated to piano and clarinete at high school and finally drums when I was 18, naturally....

I never ever failed a music exam EVER but the examiners always commented on my 'arresting' technique (cardiac arresting).  Eventually I discovered boys and that was the end of my music career.  Now I write about it with much understanding and appreciation since I really do know that it takes balls of steel to get up and perform (however bad you are).

Fast-forward 20 years; by now I've lost the endearing qualities of youth and I'm standing in front of 17 fee paying yogis all in need of a great workout and do you know what?  Not an ounce of nerves, not a quiver, not a shake, not a bumbled word.  Nothing.  It flowed, despite not being able to demonstrate - I found I'd become somewhat of an accomplished orator and apart from the pigeon stretch, everyone followed my verbal cues with ease.  Who'da thunk it?

I just pummelled through 75 minutes of flowing, testing Hatha and contrary to feeling relief, perhaps a little acomplished and a teeny bit smug (as I always imagined I might feel) at the end, I instead felt humble and grateful.  Honestly, I was simply touched by the amount of faith people put in me as an instructor.  I mean, I didn't announce the fact that my body was broken or that I could no more get into Warrior I pose than I could walk down a flight of steps without the aid of a railing but it was obvious I was not in tip top shape and yet they stayed.

The class had indeed worked hard, (perhaps due to the fact I'd ever so slightly overheated the room, ahem) but nevertheless I felt like treating them to a well earned 5 minute guided meditation which I sort of cobbled from all the best meditations I've ever had. I found myself using nature's imagery to transport everyone to a place of deep relaxation - least I hoped that is what was happening.  I mean, I was on a roll here with the talking thing. 

Then it was over and people towelled off, thanked me...THANKED ME!!! and slowly filed out.  And then a young man approaches me and I'm all ready to say 'you're welcome' and 'it's a pleasure' when he says:

- Do you know Richard Attemborough? - he asked

- Sure I do, he narrates the Planet Earth series - I replied

- Well, you're like the female Richard Attemborough.

I knew Yoga was the right choice.  So it's goodnight from Cloud 9 and I'll see ya all again soon.