The Writing on the Wall

Once again, I didn't get the job. This time though I didn't lose out to someone else . The role is on hold (such are the times). Obviously this was not the news I was hoping for and while the very same day I was called about the possibility of another role elsewhere, I had kinda felt this was going to be it. Everything pointed to this being a sure thing. Guess there are no sure things anymore - if there ever were.

I was upset but not beyond consolation, not like the time my plane to NYC was cancelled where I was meant to meet up with my UK friends, whom I hadn't seen in ages and for whose company I yearned. I cried like a little baby then. My husband was a sweetheart about it and let me dress up to the nines just to go to a local bar in the old part of this little town I live in. I'm sure he felt like the ringmaster out with his little circus poodle but by rights I was meant to be sipping Cosmos in Manhattan. Anyway, life's little knocks that often bring out the best in people aren't always such a bad thing.

This latest set back had sort of done the same. Bless my hubby if he didn't immediately send over a bunch of fresias to help lighten the disappointment and though a small gesture, it was huge to me. I'm sad, yes; disappointed? Very; emboldened? Not exactly; beaten? - Definitely not but I am afraid to say that I've started the process in my mind at least for a permanent return to dear old blightey where by total contrast calls with job ops are weekly if not daily.

I don't want to stay where disappointment is becoming the norm; where I'm no longer beyond consolation because I'm so used to being let down I don't need consoling any more. That is no life. I am better than that.

I have given myself until October 2009 for something to give here (making it a tidy 2 years) which on some levels have been very productive, after which time I will be making tracks. By then I feel I'll be justified in hauling the family back over the ocean. As you can tell, I'd leave tomorrow if it made any sense but it doesn't. So for now, I continue to hammer away but this time with less urgency and more purpose.
Over and not out....for now.