I hate weeks like this past one where I've seemingly done lots of things but have absolutely nothing to say. I used to mistake writer's block with general stagnation in day to day life but not any more. I make allowances for the fact that life can't be exciting all the time. First of course one must define excitement and then take it from there. For me excitement is a state of mind. I've been to the same place twice or repeated activities that one time blew my mind and filled me with joy and other times did more to accentuate my feeling of futility and sadness then a morning of Spring cleaning.
It's the difference between what looks fun and exciting on paper but in reality falls well short of expectations. Actually there' s a position of danger if ever there was one: to be in expectation. I'll give a banal reason befitting a week that has been emotionally duller than church - I read about Kim Gordon's new label at Urban Outfitters called Mirror/Dash. Kim is the bass player and singer of Sonic Youth, a band that transformed my view of the world as a young adult. I still feel that way about her as an artist but it didn't translate into fashion. It was frumpy, unimaginative and bad retro though I could see where she was coming from I think she failed to put her designs into context. In 1990 they would have been a sensation of understatement. Not in today's celebrity driven youth who at 17 are whitening their teeth and having cheek implants.
I say all of the above with a couple of caveats. I had a lovely coffee with a truly sensitive individual who has shown me the sort of kindness I would be wise to learn from. Oh here I go again, feeling sorry for myself. Maybe that's it? I've been down on myself this week for reasons too complicated to explain..no wait that's not true. I guess I'm anticipating another job rejection and have kind of allowed myself to slip into a state of helplessness and dejection. In reality it's been a pretty good week with two interviews and a number of promising networking invitations. I guess I've used my quota of positivity up and now just want to have a clear idea as to which direction to take. Will I stay or will I go? And just as I think I'm close to pulling the trigger I get another approach from a thoughtful professional and I think...ok, just one more try.
Like Obama said in his inauguration speech (guess I have to go for gold here), did the pioneers turn around and go home when the going got tough? Though I imagine the thought of having to retrace their steps was more than they could bear, it was still an option but they kept on going. So here I am, taking heart in the words of someone who will have been on first name terms with adversity at some point in his life. He's definitely seen it through his father's eyes at the very least. This isn't mission impossible, just mission very difficult and while I wouldn't say I'm a fighter, I like winning.
On a positive and random note I read an article in this week's Rolling Stone about the Kings of Leon whose lead singer is my teenage self's dream boy. Turns out his favourite show is America's Funniest Videos and he loves the Food Network. Made for eachother we were. We could be the new Ashton and Demi, minus the looks and glittering movie career on my part.:)
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