I have a feeling I'm going to upset some of you with what I'm about to say but let me preface this with the following clause: Golly no, I mean, golly, no mine is not a prescriptive statement - merely an observation. Let's just say it's a matter of opinion that stems from a very British trait of gregariousness, especially where money is concerned. You only have to go to the pub with a Brit to see s/he is the first to put her/his hand in her/his pocket and start the albeit ridiculous but generous-natured cycle of the 'round' culture. In fact I was out with an old school friend once at a pub in Euston Square when he began acting very recalcitrant. Turns out I had allowed his pint to dip below an inch before offering to 'get the next round in.' I should have known better.
So here is what I have to say: If you can't afford a big wedding, you have a small one. But in Canada (perhaps also North America) as I've discovered, couples get around this niggling detail by having a thing called the Stag & Doe (S&D) to name just one money-making tradition.
For those of us new to Canada or not up to date with North American traditions the S&D is, simply put, a fundraising party. The idea behind an S&D party is the same as an engagement party - it's a chance for the people close to the bride and groom-to-be to celebrate the upcoming nuptials. The difference is that an S&D party is larger, more elaborate, and has the ultimate goal of generating as much cash as possible for the happy couple.
Call me cynical, call me a Cuban cigar-loving Communist even, but personally this tradition is as transparent as a bank manager's smile.
I think the closest we get to an S&D in the UK is an engagement party but this can be a small, intimate affair, easily accommodated by a house. Gifts are always a lovely surprise but not expected. Food and drinks are provided free of charge. Can you imagine?
This isn't the case for an S&D party. We're talking about a rented venue, with as many guests as you can convince to attend. The name of the game is selling tickets, and if you're going to sell enough tickets to turn a decent profit, then this party needs to be an outrageous bash that your friends will be talking about from now until your first wedding anniversary (assuming you make it that far...whaaat? I'm just saying..is all).
The saying "you have to spend money to make money" is embodied in the S&D party. You'll need to rent out a space, such as a bar or club, hire a DJ, find some servers and bartenders, and provide enough finger food and alcohol to keep your guests energized enough to party and SPEND, SPEND, SPEND on more booze and games all night long while your faithful volunteers (well you don't think the bride or groom work that night) keep ringing up those tills with the kerching ching ching of every dollar. Am I the only one here who feels cheated a little?
I've paid for one wedding already, my own and no doubt will have to pay towards that of my daughter's when/if the time comes but this is my happy duty; forgive me then if I'm not in the mood for paying for anyone else's nuptials. That is not to say I'm not delighted for the happy couple and eager to join in the celebration of their wedding - and I mean that with no hint of irony.
Now, the wedding list is a tradition I do understand and will abide by however with people marrying much later in life than in the past, the couple are usually already homeowners themselves with two of everything they would need to set up a home together. Worse still, they know this and add a little note explaining that because of all the above they would much rather have the money. Yes, well wouldn't we all. As if this recession wasn't lesson enough to teach people to live within their means....BAH HUMBUG!!!!
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