Married and bored or Single and lonely

Apparently you belong in one group or the other. If only it were that clear cut. See I’m married, bored and lonely (from time to time) - no reflection on the hubby – it’s a personal thing because before that I definitely reached a point when I was single, bored and lonely. It was that in fact which eventually led me to marry to some extent. The truth is neither position is mutually exclusive. I’ve also come to realise that ‘happiness’ or ‘fulfilment’, call it what you like – the antidote to boredom or loneliness – is all in the psyche. It has little or nothing to do with action or location; possession or status. Though in the case of loneliness, there is no substitute for human interaction. Boredom however is a state of mind. I know this for a fact although I wouldn’t turn my nose up at a week in Goa with the girls. Know what I mean?

Yet, I still often feel jaded and alone but then I suffer from depression. Either that or I’ve been premenopausal since I was 12. I soldier on. Don’t we all. I also have GRRRREAT days when everything aligns for me internally and externally. I live for those days. Don’t we all.

I’m in danger of making it sound a little like my marriage is in a bad way. It’s not , no more than anyone else’s and then again neither is it about to feature in the “Good Marriage Guide”. I think it’s a typical marriage going through the rigour of those early stages when you have a young kid and both parties are coming to terms with new ‘roles’ in life. Having to re-jig the order of priority is not an easy task. Especially when you are an unhinged, selfish bint; so suddenly having to do something as selfless as be a parent or partner well it often feels thankless (there’s that pesky undertow of expectation tut tut!). It’s all about point of view. I’m working on attaining an “attitude of gratitude’- I mean I live in paradise compared to more than half the world’s population ; next to my day-to-day in Oakville, Ontario – Iife for me here is a freaking cabaret!

You know what I’ve decided? I am being too short sighted in terms of my outlook. I’m getting bogged down with the here and now to the detriment of the big picture and at the same time I’m wasting energy on the so-called big picture when I should be relishing the here and how. Bloody hell, life’s long ennit? Shall we have a little sit down?

All of this because Sausage Boy has been away on business for a week.  I guess that makes me married and lonely but in this instance that's a good thing right?  I mean the day that I don't get lonely when he's away, it's time to ring the bell for last orders.