What a difference a year makes. This time last year I was updating my blog, glass of champagne in hand, in the secure knowledge that I was coming home to the UK after two frankly shit years in Canada. Oh, am I repeating myself? I'm sorry, but the strapline to this blog does say: because a girl likes to purge.
And here I am a year later (champagne in hand - some things never change), almost in disbelief at the progress made and unmade. I will leave the 'un-made' elements to a less auspicious day. Today is New Year's Eve and today we get to feel all nostalgic about the past and inspired about the future when we will get to re-do things we've basically cocked up. I have a whole list of things I'd like to press the reset button on. I'm neither joking, nor being petulant. Instead I'm picking things off the list as they come.
Take the 'career'; for reasons so incredibly complex - I fear would send you reaching for the whisky - let's just say I've accepted that I am not ever going to be a kept woman (actually I'm not cut out for this subservient role) or a completely fulfilled stay-at-home mum (despite my many interests), so it's best I get back to achieving (relatively speaking) and earning again. This I have done by going back to work and it couldn't be more different than the turd of an opportunity I squeezed out in Toronto. I have high hopes and even more compelling reasons to make a real success of this time round the block. Wish me luck.
I'm keeping an open mind about everything else. Let's just pretend I give a damn and leave it at that.
I've started chanting too. It's not a conscious decision...it's just something that has inexplicably drawn me in. It makes me feel hopeful and happy. It's hard to explain but I find it relaxes and focuses the mind in a way nothing else has ever done. This is a new journey for me. I'm looking forward to it and while I'm way too cynical (and vain) to get all shaven headed about it, I must admit, there really is something very magical about it. It also fills the emotional gap that would otherwise be plugged by wine and codeine.
In the words of Joey Ramone: I want to be sedated.
In other spiritual news, I may, just may... have become completely obsessed with Jesus after reading THE most intriging account of his life by Sylvia Browne. Like I said, I've been sucked into a vibration of a very lofty kind and it has had a very comforting effect. No, I have not become a bible-basher, in fact I say with utter conviction that the bible (all versions of it) is nothing more than an elaborate work of man-made propaganda. Less said the better here before I get all the sandal wearing freaks demanding the termination of this most cathartic of outlets.
So, here's to a year of self-lovin' (and I'm not talking about diamond covered dildo type love) I mean the other kind - the one that makes you want to be kind to yourself and others. And it's with this woozy thought I leave you tonight. I urge you all to follow your dreams however small and humble.
This is my hope for 2011.
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