World without Dreams

I am suffering withdrawal symptoms. I haven’t been able to do Yoga for weeks now and I’m still limping so that means no Yoga for a few more weeks to come. That also means I can’t even begin to think about working which in turn means I really can’t justify putting The Lish into daycare – even for me, that would be too ‘Joan Crawford’. Of course that means finding ways to stay positive and busy that do not revolve around retail therapy now that my tour of museums is almost exhausted. I am getting much much better at the ‘here and now’ attitude, really I am which isn’t bad for someone who up until 6 months ago had done nothing but live in the future for as long as I can remember.


For instance, when I was in primary school, I would muse about which subjects I would take in secondary school, even Uni and then fantasize about what I’d become. I think I went through pilot, psychiatrist and international Uber business woman phases. Of course when Secondary School came, I updated careers to something more realistic, like translator or possibly teacher given I was very good at languages and literature but rubbish at maths and science. So I spent my days fantasizing about living in Paris doing one of the above. I think I took the ferry over (these were the days before the Channel Tunnel) about 6 times one year and I wasn’t even 15. Being independent is a great gift in later life but I shiver at the thought that my daughter may have inherited that streak and may want to do the same. I mean, I'll be no more effect than Ozzie Osborne trying to prevent his kids from getting tattoos but I think I might still try.

Then came Punk at the age of 16 and the only thing I was into was a spiral of downward mobility. Anything else was considered fake. I was the epitome of a rebel without a cause and I had everything to lose – which in a way I sort of did when I refused to try for a place at Oxbridge (either Oxford or Cambridge)- I think back to that and really honestly regret the nihilism that drove that choice. I ended up at London Uni but by then I had already lost my way. I spent the next 4 years not really paying attention and mostly chasing the quick buck. Fast forward to graduation I dropped into a social abyss which ended only when I fell into a 'temporary' role in PR where I spent the next 10 years.

But I suppose, had I done something truly gifted or fulfilling I would never have decided to go travelling where I met the Canadian (Jim Jam king) and well, you sort of know what has sort of happened since - more of less if you leave out great swathes of learning experiences (maybe another time). Today, I’m less of a forward planner and more of a forward thinker ( I think...I hope).
One thing that hasn’t changed is my love for words and writing – that is still a dream I pursue on a daily basis. And when I think about ‘the future’ like that, I realise a world without dreams would be a dull place indeed.