No matter how much you read or see or hear about the secret to inner happiness, it's not real until you feel it. I'm told self love (figuratively speaking) is the key . Let me preface this by saying I have a love-hate relationship with myself so I only feel it occasionally but recently I've had to accept my limitations with regards all things that would currently enhance said inner satisfaction; my desire to sell up and move to the city; my desire to bag the equivalent career job I left in London to come to Canada with my husband and child in search of a 'better quality of life'. (Define better quality is what I will ask myself next time I get a wild idea like that). And of course my desire to grow roots and reap the fringe benefits- community, routine - not to be mistaken for familiarity because we all know where that leads.
I'm working on all three. Now is not the time for passive inactivity I've been telling myself - now is the time to gain traction. And then I realised that in focusing my energies on fighting the good fight - or fights in my case I've been giving the struggle too much credence. I should instead be simply acknowledging the difficulties because ignoring them won't make them go away but in the meantime, simply accepting my limitations at this time.
This, by the way is not earth-shattering news to me or anyone. I always knew that the answer lay in acceptance but how many of us tip our hats knowingly at stress and then just carry on? REALLY just carry on.
Fact is I have no choice in whether I meet myself in the middle or whether I lose it completely. It took that kind of curtailment to realise I have to keep on rollin' (feel like I've been here a 100 times already) but I think I'm at peace with it now.
Follow your bliss folks because when you have nowhere else to turn except into yourself it's much more pleasant a place without the rage and remember to give yourself something to cling onto. Janis Joplin said it best: Freedom is when you have nothing left to lose. If that's true I'd rather be a prisoner.
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